death of a shopaholic

1 Apr

So I totally stopped living life and I have no desire to shop, drink, party, or do anything fun. I feel like I have taken over my life on a whole new level and in lieu of this fun fun person that I loved and everyone else loved is a deeply disturbed and depressed person who constantly think she is going to die.

Did I do the right thing? My husband told me that there is no more joy in my eyes and that I completely stopped living my life the way that I used to. He said that I look like I don’t enjoy anything the way that I used to. He no longer see my eyes brighten up and my face light up when I get excited. I am living my life in straight path and yes I am contented, I feel like I am doing all the right things, but in a way I feel OLD.

In a few days I will turn 34. The funny thing is for the last 8 years, I have been telling people that I am 25 years old. I felt young and looked young so I absolutely had no problem getting away with it. But ever since January, when I decided to start this blog and clean up and stop shopping I felt like I have aged. Now for the 1st time in my life I can say that I do feel like I am 33 – turning 34 years old.

I think staying away from something that I love so much has taken a toll on me. I have over come it, but in return I really really feel like someone has stolen the simple joys that temporarily picks me up when life becomes too stressful for me.

Yes, it is materialistic and I do see love, joy, and contentment from God, my children, and my family. But shopping is another form of endorphin for me. Call it an expensive red bull if you will. It gives me wings!

Because of this, I have decided that I will shop. Not like I used to but I will not take away the fountain of youth that I secretly found. It keeps me young, it keeps me going, it makes me smile, it brightens up my day.

Even my husband was telling me the same thing. And if it comes to a point when your husband is begging you to take the day off and go to rodeo drive or asking for the contact number of your sales associate from Hermes, then you know that you have hit rock bottom.


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