my deep dark secret

3 Jul

Apparently, there are a few tell-tale signs in my life that an emotional breakdown is on it’s way. That I’ve had just about enough and I can’t handle it anymore.

The first thing that happens is I loose desire to shop. When I’m happy and something inevitable comes up the 1st thing I do is head to Rodeo Drive and Shop. But I noticed that when I get depressed I have no desire to buy anything at all. No bribe or trip to the fanciest mall with the biggest SALE will do the trick. I simply have no interest for shoes, bags, clothes, jewelry, or even watches. After the accident my husband has been asking me to get another car (even after the insurance company informed me that BMW can fix my car after all) and I don’t even want to. I told him that we have a family car (yes .. a 2007 Chevy Suburban with about 47,000 miles) and I said that will be my car from now on. And he is just looking at me with the biggest “YEAH RIGHT” face you’ve ever seen. But I honestly don’t want to buy a car right now. I don’t even feel like driving unless I don’t have a choice.

The second thing that happens to me is I start feeling like death is creeping up on me. Remember my blog a few months ago about DEATHPRESSION??? (March – Digging Deeper) Yeah, it’s that one.

And then there’s this other thing that I just started doing this tine around. I started returning stuff. Well just the ones I purchased the week before my accident happened. And not all but just the ones I never used. I don’t want any of it.

As a city girl, I dread the thought of being around nature. I would always choose the mall over the beach on any given day. I will never ever go camping and I don’t even like going to the beach because it’s too “sandy” and “windy”. I much prefer the pool side in a hotel where they have a man made beach and there are no waves. But lately, I notice that I constantly think of going to the beach and I want to be surrounded by a vast ocean and breath the not-so-fresh air of california. I also think that I’m just about ready to plan a camping trip because I really want to be out in the open with good ol’ mother nature.

It’s so weird. When ever I’m going through a bad case of depression it always comes hand in hand with a dose of withdrawal from my Rodeo Drive addiction.



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